I love music. I've played guitar since I was 14, done the whole garage band thing and essentially have been a music nut for as long as I want to recall. I've never been one for pop music, so I suppose it's ironic that I watch a talent show that claims it's in search of the next great pop star. I detest reality television. I think it's mostly chock full of fame seeking dimwits. Why do you watch American Idol, then? Hmm, well, I did title this blog A Blinking Idiot. My short answer to that question would be that I enjoy music. I enjoy seeing and hearing new things and new voices. I suppose the more truthful answer would be I started watching because I'm diverse in my TV watching and sometimes I just want the simplest form of entertainment.
Sadly, I feel that Idol reached its peak around season five and has been rolling downhill ever since. I probably watch now more out of tradition than enjoyment. In fact, my wife asked me last night why we watch the show if neither of us likes any of the contestants. As any good husband would do, I ignored the question. Without further ado, I present to you my thoughts on last night's performance show. My sister and I have a habit of reviewing the show to each other via text as we watch, so I'll sprinkle a few of those observations in as well. Some of them are juvenile and offensive, in which case I will label the text as anonymous. That's right, saving myself the liability.
Idol has received a lot of flack over its tacky theme nights over the years. In their defense, what else are they supposed to do for 11 weeks of performances?! But some of them were truly bad. Who wants to hear a trained gospel singer croon country? Or conversely is anyone pining to hear Scotty McCreery take on Motown? They kept it simple for this theme night, trying to give each contestant a chance to shine. The problem with that is there are far too many dull pennies in the bunch. The theme was "Songs of Your Musical Idol." Right off the bat I had some problems with some of the singers' choices. Really Naima? Rhianna? She's been popular all of five minutes, who did you idolize before Rhianna sang about rain prevention equipment? But Naima Avocado went last, so let's save her for later.
Up first was Lauren Alaina. My wife has a soft spot for this girl. She read somewhere that in response to what she's trying to do to become a star, Alaina had said she's trying to lose some weight. While I agree with my better half that it's sad that she has to think that way in today's pop culture environment, I'm an Idol Grinch and have little sympathy for anything Idol related. I'm more tired of how much the producers have shoved Alaina down our throats from day one. The girl has talent and plenty of potential, but no one likes to be spoon fed their opinion. Lauren sang Shania Twain (of course) and it was predictable, safe and boring. Surprisingly the judges gave her less than favorable reviews. I say surprisingly because the new judging panel seems to love everything. Perhaps they were under strict orders not to praise her for once because of all the backlash the show has already received from hyping her up. All that being said, I don't think she's in danger of going home. She's a cute country girl who already has a built in following. Going first and being forgettable puts her at risk, but I think she'll survive.
Next in line was Casey Abrams. Why do I always picture Steve Carell in Anchorman saying "I'm riding a furry tractor," whenever I see Casey? I am a fan of Casey's sense of humor; he seems like a dude you'd want to hang out with. I'm not sold on him as a singer though. I think Simon would have hated him. There's way too much of a Taylor "I don't sing that well but I'm sooo personable" Hicks vibe about Casey for me. I will say that I liked his rendition this week of Joe Cocker's version of "A Little Help From My Friends" better than his performance in last week's top 24, the hellfire and brimstone sermon of "I put a spell on you."
Sister: Who's your favorite this year?
Me: Steven Tyler.
Sister: Favorite SINGER?
Me: He sings.
Ashthon Jones followed Casey. Who? Yeah, exactly. She got next to no screen time during Hollywood week, delivered a forgettable performance in the top 24 and was put through on the judges' wild card for reasons known only to them. She's definitely not going to be here long, especially if she keeps choosing snoozefest Dianna Ross songs. Most people have never heard "When You Tell Me That You Love Me." Heck, that song came out long after Dianna's reign as top diva ended. What made it worse were the judges praising her! What was there to praise about that decently sung, completely outdated, supremely boring performance? I need a good Simon "Pack your bags." Enjoy your fifteen minutes Ashthon, you're on your way out, possibly as soon as tonight.
Anonymous Text: I hate Assthong
And now we get to Paul McDonald...I've been wanting to like him. My sister has some weird obsession with him. To me, this is a guy that needs the guitar in his hands. His stage presence just makes me uncomfortable. Paul sang an obscure Ryan Adams song that most viewers won't know, and dressed liked Sergeant Pepper. Even the judges sounded uneasy while professing their love to him. They weren't sure if America would "get" him or not. Oh, I got him, I just want to give him back. I'm sorry Paul, I really did want to like you, but you're just not doing it for me.
Anonymous Text: Scott MacIntyre dresses Paul.
Pia Toscano (if that's not an entree at Olive Garden I don't know what is) chose Celine Dion's "All By Myself", which I want to hate her for, but the girl can sing. I think she may have the best pure vocals in this year's group, but she'll probably exit weeks before the finale because her performances are very straight forward. She has no niche. She's not country girl or rocker guy or Mr. Personality. She's just a good singer. Odd as it sounds, that's never enough for Idol (see London, Latoya). The judges of course loved her and thought she was great, what else is new?
Up next is (audible sigh) James Durbin. He is the male version of Lauren Alaina. We've been told how "amazing" Durbin was since before he auditioned. They teased his audition for the entire San Francisco audition episode. Let me preface this by saying I couldn't stand Adam Lambert throughout his entire run on Idol. He annoyed the you know what out of me. I view Durbin as a cheap knock off of Adam Lambert. Obviously if you've read anything about this season of American Idol, you'll know that I'm not alone in this opinion. I have a theory that the producers decided early on that this season was, much like the last few seasons, weak on talent, so they played up the few people they thought would draw people's attention. This would explain why Scotty, Alaina, Durbin and Casey have gotten so much camera time. Scotty and Lauren bring in the country vote, and it's well documented that country contestants have had post show success. Lambert, screechingly annoying as he may be, was one of the most talked about contestants in Idol history and Casey is just damn likable. I haven't seen anyone ham it up for the camera this much since Matt Rogers (remember him? Anyone?). This dude knows when the camera is on him and never misses an opportunity to remind you that he's a rocker. Devil horns! Devil horns! Anyway, back to Durbin's performance. He chose to do McCartney's Wings hit "Maybe I'm Amazed". I love this song, and was immediately disgusted that Durbin was doing it. I must say though that I didn't hate it. For the first time he didn't infect the entire song with his wails. It reminded me of the one Lambert performance I enjoyed, when he showed restraint on The Miracles hit "The Tracks Of My Tears" during Motown week. All that being said, I don't think James Durbin's voice is that strong and thus he resorts to the wails as a crutch. Oh, and in other news the sun rose, Charlie Sheen's a lunatic and the judges loved his performance.
Haley Reinhart traded in her over the top runs and growls for yodels this week, choosing LeAnn Rimes' "Blue". I have no use for this girl, and I don't think America will either. She's one of those "nice" singers that has a few week run on the show and is immediately erased from our memories. On a side note, is anyone besides me wondering what happened to Nigel Lythgoe's earlier proclamation of not trying to have an even number of boys and girls make the top 12 (or 13) as they'd done in years past? Not that I'm over the moon about the men this year, but I thought this was a weak crop of girls especially, and was disappointed when they decided to do the five and five with the judges picking wild cards thing. Anyway, I'll finish up on Haley. Oh wait, I really have nothing else to say about her. Next!
Jacob Lusk decided to remind us that he's a good church going boy, turning R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" into a religious movement. Has no one learned (producers included) that gospel singers (a) don't make good pop stars these days and (b) by and large don't have that much success on the show or after the show. How many powerhouse gospel singers have graced the Idol stage only to exit early and slink away into obscurity? Let's name some, shall we? Ruben, Rickey Smith, Fantasia, Jennifer Hudson, Mandisa, Lakisha Jones...Before you start screaming "Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar," umm, last I checked American Idol's mission statement was to find the next great pop star, not movie star. None of the previously mentioned singers have achieved any form of pop star status, and most of them exited early. Ruben and Fantasia are obviously exceptions that won the show, but have had zero mainstream success to show for it. Jacob Lusk is going to join this list, I'm afraid. His performance was as over the top and preachy as it could be, complete with the gospel singers flanking him. If you enjoy gospel music, then Jacob is right up your alley. Unfortunately for him, it's a rather small alley that doesn't pack a significant number of voters.
And now for something completely different. One thing you can say about Jacob Lusk is he brings you the emotion, which is in stark contrast to the contestant that followed him. Thia Megia has shown no likable traits thus far in the competition. She seems completely disinterested in, well, everything. This includes her performances. She chose some strange mutation of Michael Jackson's version of "Smile" that morphed into a Tony Bennett version halfway through. It was uncomfortable to watch. Even the judges couldn't fake enjoyment on this one. Let's put this girl out of her misery, please. P.S. More better is not proper English, dear.
Anonymous Text: Thia Diarrhea has the personality of a door stop.
Stefano followed her with another crime against humanity. He chose some awful dance remix of the classic Stevie Wonder song, "Lately." I didn't understand the judges putting him through with the wild card and he did nothing with this song but reinforce my opinion. But the judges love him so all is right in the world.
Sister: I love the song "Lately."
Me: You won't after this.
Ah, now at last we get to Karen Rodriguez. J Lo loves her. She sees a lot of herself in Karen. Of course that's why she loves her! I think Jennifer would put a mirror onstage if they'd let her. Karen stuck to one language this time, thanks for that. Big shock though, she chose Selena. Not to rain on the girl's parade, but she's a decade late on the Latin music invasion. Oh, and she's not that great of a singer. That also may be a hindrance. Her performance was so weak she even got the dreaded "you look stunning" critique.
This brings us to Scotty Lockthemdoors. He's provided some of the most amusing moments of the season for me. "Nuts of wonder," the phrase he created when he couldn't remember the words to "I Hope You Dance," has become one of my favorite phrases. I also loved when Jordan Dorsey asked him to sing something to audition for Dorsey's group during the group night rehearsals, and Scotty chose ol' reliable "Your Man" by Josh Turner. Four notes in Jordan told him "No, no, that's not gonna work for me." It was a few weeks into the competition before we learned that Scotty could in fact learn another song. I, however, still held out hope that he would sing "Your Man" every time he took to the stage.
Producers: Scotty, it's soundtrack week!
Scotty: Well, I'm sure this song's in a movie somewhere. (clears throat) Baby lock them doors and-
Producers: Scotty, stop it!
Scotty changed it up this week though, choosing Garth Brooks' "The River," complete with a backdrop so cheesy even Seacrest couldn't resist making fun of it. Scotty's performance was solid for what it was. If you're a country fan you'll enjoy it. His facial expressions are terrible though. He needs to practice looking at himself while he sings to see how ridiculous it looks. I'm sure J Lo has a spare mirror somewhere she could lend him. I worry about Scotty when they get to theme weeks that he can't go country with. Like the judges said, country is who he is and he would sound ridiculous on Barry Manilow night.
Naima closed the show with her longtime Idol Rhianna's "Umbrella." I've been pretty indifferent towards her from the start. She's another one I think the judges love far more than America will. She's shown little to no personality thus far, but the judges have gone out of their way to let you know how great they think she is. I must admit I can't stand the song she chose, so I was naturally predisposed to hate the performance. While I give her credit for injecting some life into an otherwise sleepy night, I don't think she's "different" in the appealing way. Crystal Bowersox was different and didn't show a lot of personality, but there was just something cool about her that people latched on to last year. I don't think Naima has that quality, although I do want to ask her what overstand means.
Overall it was another underwhelming night for Idol, something that has happened far too often in recent seasons. I always thought I'd miss Simon's presence more in the audition shows than I would on the big stage, but it's been quite the opposite. Now more than ever harsh criticisms are expected. These are supposed to be the best of the best, and when they fall short someone should be there to point it out. This judging panel hands out praise like it's candy. I'll keep watching for reasons unknown to even me at times, but it is getting harder to commit to.
Bottom three prediction: Haley, Thia and Ashthon. Thia goes home.
RESULTS UPDATE:
I've been asked to post an update regarding the voting results of this Idol episode. I don't feel that it deserves a full post, but I will say a few words regarding Ashthon going home. Not particularly stunning. While it was mildly surprising that Singing Zombie Thia wasn't in the bottom three, her days are numbered if she continues on her forgettable path. I'm slightly perturbed that they're sticking with the "Judge's Save" thing. If this is the Idol AMERICA is supposed to be choosing, who are you to tell us we're wrong? They just tried to do that, awarding Ashthon a wild card spot and we saw how our country reacted to that. America is a baby and Steven, Randy and J Lo tried to force feed us pureed peas. Bleck! Spit it back out Baby America! Bye bye Ashthon, we hardly knew ya, and apparently didn't want to!
No comments:
Post a Comment